


Fear

by FantasiainDminor



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: High School, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, hes got anxiety, i guess?, starts out a lil saucy but not too much sauce, supply closet makeout session
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:41:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23989051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FantasiainDminor/pseuds/FantasiainDminor
Summary: They kiss, Souda panics, Gundham tries to help how he can
Relationships: Soda Kazuichi/Tanaka Gundham
Comments: 11
Kudos: 299





	Fear

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this as a gift for my friend who is recovering from wisdom teeth surgery. Didn't expect to love writing it so much :0 mayhaps.... mayhaps I write more soudam in the future?????  
> I wrote most of this in one huge chunk at like 2am, its horribly self indulgent, pls enjoy :)

Kissing Souda, he absentmindedly thought, was a lot like eating ramen. 

It was too hot and you had to keep taking breaks to cool off, but some ravenous hunger and desire pulled you back in. 

And there was a lot of tongue. 

Wow, there was a lot of tongue. 

They had been following a stones cast away from Sonia after getting out of class, biting thumbs in their usual style. As per usual, their arguings quickly escalated and devolved into unnecessary taunts and jabs that echoed throughout the hallways. The lady gracefully excused herself from their presence and that's when the mechanic yanked him by his collar into a nearby storage room, embarrassed to bicker so childishly in front of the princess yet again. 

Gundham didn't  _ intend  _ on kissing him. Truly he didn’t. 

He did not wake up this morning planning on it being any different than the rest, but there was just far too little space between them with all these boxes! Souda's baseless quips turned to static in his ears. Instead his gaze had magnetized to the other boy's lips, and eyes; how much fire was alight there, and how easy it would be to just bring his face a little bit closer and...

As soon as he realized what he had done he pulled back, but was suddenly seized and drawn back in. Both being inexperienced in any sort of human contact, they had to part for breaths, sharing looks of surprise before reconnecting.

Gundham would have found the whole thing completely alarming if it hadn’t simply felt so right. His brain had turned off, humming contentedly like the fluorescent lights above their heads. He let himself be swept away and dragged under the waves of Souda's lips on his.

His thoughts on the alikeness of kissing Souda to eating ramen had puttered out into just: Souda.

Souda

_ Souda, _

Souda, more. More of him, more of this, more of whatever sweet drug he was that canceled out his brain, an antidote to his poisonous touch. 

But if the wavelengths in Gundham’s brain had found the perfect frequency and canceled out, Souda's were starting to wobble dangerously out of sync.  Because there Gundham was. Kissing him. Quite enthusiastically!  _ And he was kissing him back. _

After the initial shock, his body had jumped about 5 gears desperately trying to hold on to whatever crazed inspiration drove the man to kiss him in the first place. But now that Gundham had settled into the activity and was gaining more traction, Souda’s brain finally found the right gear and started running again... which was never a good thing for his brain to do. 

Suddenly he felt very small, very sweaty, and very very much out of his element.  He had never kissed anyone before! I mean aside from a girl during an awkward game of spin the bottle, but that didn’t count because she had bearly a 10th of Gundham’s enthusiasm. In fact, she looked at her friend silently asking if she had to kiss him at all.  But he should not be thinking about that while someone else was kissing him!!!— While  _ Gundham Tanaka _ was kissing him.

Oh my god, Gundham was kissing him.

His hands started shaking and he realized that he didn't know what to do with them. Should he put them on his waist? No, he was a dude what if he didn't like that. Putting them on his shoulders felt all wrong, and now he was entirely sure that he had stalled putting his hands anywhere long enough that it would be weird to move them at all at this point, right? 

Speaking of weird, all the tongue that was in his mouth was starting to feel less heavenly and more... wet. The shelf to his back and all of Gundham to his chest started to feel claustrophobic and suddenly Souda couldn't seem to breathe. Not in the "you take my breath" kinda way but in the  _ oh god I want to disappear from this spot right now _ kinda way. 

But it wasn't bad, no it couldn't be bad, he  _ wanted  _ Gundham to kiss him! He just felt so.... scared. Like if he messed things up here, Gundham would toss him to the side like an old shop towel. He could not mess this up, he could _ not mess this up _ . The more Souda started to worry the more he started to overthink which only made him act weirder and worry more. 

Regardless of how weird this was starting to feel, nothing felt as terrible as when Gundham started to pull away.

Souda chased his lips in a last ditch effort to keep him there. Eyes clamped shut and hands still balled into fists unsure of where to put them.  Everything was too much but the guilt and shame of Gundham thinking he didn't want this was his breaking point. He couldn't take it, he couldn't, and he cursed himself for putting a stop to what had been so good. 

The boy pulling away cursed himself for not stopping things sooner. 

Gundham had only realized something was wrong once Souda’s whole body started trembling. How had he not realized something was wrong sooner? Had he been so caught up in his own pleasure and satisfaction that he did not pay mind to the very one he claimed to be the object of his desire? What kind of handler would ignore the subtle body language of their beasts, what kind of handler would wield their power without paying respect to the very creature who allowed their presence, and how was this situation any different?

"Ka— Souda," he put distance between them still breathing heavily. He needed to fix things, "I— I am in the wrong I apologize. I have mishandled you I—" but his apology was cut off by Souda bursting into tears and clutching at his beanie. That beanie, that stupid, silly, wonderfully Kazuichi beanie.

Gundham went to speak but Souda dropped to the floor in a ball, feet still underneath him ready to run if he deemed it fit but ultimately making himself seem small and protecting his vital organs. Gundham may not have known exactly what set Kazuichi into such a state but this language he did know, he saw it in Cham-P whenever Maga-Z got too aggressive. Souda was scared and felt he was in danger. This he could deal with, this he could fix. 

He walked to the door and opened it just a hair, which made the mess of a mechanic go absolutely still, sucking in a terrified breath. Gundham more carefully measured his movements to turn off the lights which only made Souda choke back a sob. He needed to do something more, something else… Remembering it from when Souda had first backed him up against the boxes, he tiptoed over to an old blanket and unfurled it shaking out the dust. A last ditch effort but the only trick he had left in his bag, he gently laid the thick wool over the shaking mechanic.

It was a gamble to stay or go. Something Gundham had done clearly made Souda upset, but he could not bring his blackened heart to leave.  _ Souda had kissed him back _ . He could not accept the fact that this was beyond fixing. 

After some deliberation, Gundham chose to sit down, angled enough for the mechanic to know he was there, but keeping his body language as least threatening as he could manage. 

They sat there for a while, till Souda’s body had finally stopped shaking and his breaths, though erratic, were less sob and more sniffle. One shock after another seemed to have short circuited his brain. He had fucked things up, then fucked them up further. 

He was sure Gundham was going to leave when he had reached for that door, and all his fears seemed to be realized when Gundham turned the lights off behind him. Tanaka was going to leave him here with the dust and the forgotten junk and tell everyone, he was sure of it. He was going to run to all their classmates and tell them that Kazuichi not only kissed a boy but couldn't even manage to do it properly. How would he ever show his face again? 

Sonia would be the first to know, and though it broke his heart, she never liked him to begin with anyway. Most of the class he could bare without, he never could get too close to them and they didn't seem interested in getting close to him either, but— Fuyuhiko. Oh god, he couldn't even think about what Fuyuhiko would do. He would probably deny ever having anything to do with him, he would act like he wasn't there at all, or even worse, act like he had known him perfectly all along. They would all talk behind his back and there was nothing he could do about it, who would take Souda’s word over anyone else’s anyway?

He was already at the conclusion that not even Nagito would want to be seen with him when he felt something gently laid over him. Over the sounds of his own breathing and racing thoughts he felt someone sit down next to him, close enough their shoulders touched his knees in the cramped room, but far enough to not be in his space.

"G-Tanaka?" 

"Shhh. Don't extend yourself." 

"What are you—" 

"Have you ever heard my pontificas on Black Invading Dragon Cham-P?"

Soudas brain stalled. Why was he still here and why on earth was he talking about that fat hamster right now?

"Cham-P is one of the more... docile of my Devas," he threw the word docile as though it were a flaw in character. "After a particular event in which he witnessed the full extent of Maga-Z's power, of which you are well acquainted with, Cham-P's docile nature transcended into something truly beautiful to behold in such a small creature." 

Souda was officially lost, but underneath the blanket and with his head still in his hands, the ramblings were starting to ease the tightness coiled in his body and he worked on evening his sporadic breaths.

"It was fear.

You see, when I pulled the Four Dark Devas out of hell I freed them from the shackle of their very nature and with it rid them of the affliction that plagues their species. But what power Maga-Z unleashed that night, Cham-P unlocked his own in tenfold. You see, Cham-P's fear he summoned was not due to the nature of his being, but instead for the survival of his form. For this, Cham-P may be seen as weak, but for those with an All-Seeing Eye, Cham-P wields a most formidable blade, that of being the smartest of my Devas." 

At that Gundham stopped, as if expecting that to have made any sense. Souda sniffled, but when he still would not unfurl from his crouched position, Gundham placed a hand on his hunched shoulders. 

"Kazuichi Souda. I do not pretend to know what horrific displays of power have been unleashed in front of you, or the higher powers forbid, upon you, but mortals such as you were not born with such an affliction. You were born screaming, crying out for life, born to fight for it. The fear you have obtained can only attest to the wit of your mind and the horrors you have witnessed. It is a shining crest of your courage and resilience." 

Souda stared wide eyed into the dark. Slowly he fully sat down and slid the blanket back far enough to get some cool air underneath. He quickly started wiping at his drying tears. "I hardly feel courageous hiding here in the dark" he croaked out after a comfortable silence. Then after a while longer, "why are you here?"

He could feel Gundham stare at him and could almost make out his puzzled expression through the dark. "While Cham-P is the smartest of my Devas, not even he can get by without assistance. Since I have been the one to reignite such fear in you, I only thought it fitting to help you how I would any creature in such a state. I oft' find Cham-P curled up, much as you were, and aid him in his effort to rid himself of perceived danger." Soudas eyes, adjusted to the dark by now, could see Gundham gesture to the door. "I pry open the gates of his lair to aid in his escape if he deems it necessary, and I turn off the lights. His kind are a nocturnal creature— and if your snoring in our daily lessons have anything to show, you are as well. Since only fools take on the whole world at once, I cover his realm with a blanket to—"

"Wait. You treated me like one of your hamsters?!" 

Though his panic had abated for now, the mortification of the moment had only increased. Souda groaned and buried his head in his hands again, but finally came out from under his blanket. 

Footsteps came and went past the door. Muffled chatter about weekend plans and who was walking home with whom no doubt. But inside the storage room the silence continued to stretch, and both boys were grasping for anything to say. 

They both chose to speak at the same time, Gundhams comment lost under Souda's assurance that he was fine and that Gundham didn't have to be there anymore. Light laughs at the overlap helped disperse the heaviness that hung in the air.

After a collecting breath Gundham tried again: "I apologize again for the inappropriateness of my actions. I cannot pretend my reasons behind them are unknown, nor can I delude myself into believing your response was anything but instinctual due to the..." he cleared his throat, "increase in the hormone testosterone in your maturing form." 

"Do you have to be so clinical about it?" Souda looked away, though he doubted Gundham would see him blush in the low light. "Besides," he hugged his knees "that's not the reason I kissed you back, you freak."

Gundham blinked. "If that is the case then what caused you such—"

"I don't know!" He shot up, letting the blanket fall from his shoulders, "I don't know okay? I was... overwhelmed! I didn't want to mess things up. I finally had you,  _ I had you _ and I didn't want to fuck things up like I seem to do with everything!" Frustrated tears pricked his eyes. "But look what happened anyway!" With a great huff his fight seemed to leave him and his hands started fiddling with the large bolt that hung from his belt. "I can't do anything right." 

“Then… you are not upset with me?” 

“Why would I be upset with you?”

Gundham rose and spent some time dusting off his coat and readjusting his many layers. “Kazuichi Souda,” he finished pulling at his bandages to look him in the eye, his confidence only betrayed by the tenseness in his jaw. “I do not know what you feel you have failed at, but you have failed nothing by me within these walls.” Looking away he continued, “If you wish, my magic may seal the events that have transpired here within this purgatory. They will remain here suspended in a perpetual limbo with the dust and forgotten festival adornments, we may never need speak of them again.” 

Another gaggle of students passed by. 

Unbandaged fingertips grazed feather light over Souda’s knuckles. “I could remain here as well. If you desired it.” 

Souda didn’t know what it was about that touch, whether it was the tenderness it held, or simply the fact that Gundham initiated it, but Souda found himself hugging Gundham before he could think about it. He had been teetering right back at the brink, unsure of where to go, what was going to happen, but he knew that Gundham leaving was the very last thing he wanted. The latter seemed only to startle for a moment before hugging Souda back with a fervor that did not go amiss. 

This, Gundham decided, he might like even better than kissing Souda. Having him so close, so warm, and breathing so gently in his arms. It was like handling twelve— no, twenty Devas!… it was like being handled back.

He had just enough time to come to this realization before the one in his arms pulled back reluctantly. With mustered courage Gundham asked, “would you like to stay here with me too then?” The mechanic let some tears fall with a laugh and a fervent nod. Gundham thought he looked beautiful.

“Well,” he said, clearing his throat, “we cannot stay here all night. It is hard to tell how much time has passed us by, but I suspect the hour of finding companions to travel home with is long gone. The moon, as you should know, has just started waxing in— a perfect time for new beginnings and positive starts. Something to be capitalized upon, but any malicious spirit knows that as well as you and I. It is unsafe to wander about alone and due to this predicament may I suggest that we—“

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Souda interrupted him, voice still strained and thick. “Come on,” he lightly yanked on Gundham’s scarf as he headed past him towards the door, “I’ll walk you home, you goof.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hehe, I hope you enjoyed :) The ending feels a bit rushed to me, and I don't know how I did with the Gundham-speak, but let me know what y'all think :) Happy Soudam-ing!


End file.
